We're Back, and Ryan Air Sucks

We are home from a nice relaxing week in Mallorca, Spain. Our hotel was absolutely amazing, with incredible views of Port Soller. It was a new hotel that just opened in April so things didn't go as smoothly as we are used to, but  everyone there was very nice and we were able to get some much needed R&R. I am too lazy to upload photos now because I only have a short break before it's time to make dinner.

We flew Ryan Air which many of you may have never heard of before, but it's a budget airline based in the UK.  Apparently the flights are pretty cheap, but once you get to the airport you get charged for everything...your bag is 1 kg too heavy? €20 for that. Oh it's 4 kg too heavy? €80 for that. Your bag is   1 mm too big to fit in the overhead compartment? You need to check it, €50 for that. Etc etc etc. And they are really strict with carry ons - If you have a purse, a camera around your shoulder, a bag with a bottle of water and a magazine in it and a carry on suitcase, you have to put everything into the suitcase in order to board. There was some gossip in the news that they were even going to charge €1 to use the toilet on the plane. Once you are on the plane it's ugly (blue and bright yellow), the seats are 95% plastic and really uncomfortable, there is no TV in the seatback in front of you, and not even a pouch where you can put your things (and of course no air sickness bags just in case one of your kids gets airsick). When you buy a ticket you don't even get an assigned seat unless you pay extra (which we always do, and I honestly cannot understand why anyone would not), so it's a mad rush to board the plane with people cutting in line, pushing kids and anyone in their way just to get onto the plane. I watched a news program in Dublin once about a newswoman who became a Ryan Air flight attendant (apparently you just take a quick course to become one) and brought a hidden camera on board with her and I was horrified. The airline is successful because they are able to turn planes around quickly and make a certain number of flights per day - it turns out the attendants get yelled at if they actually check people's passports before they get on the plane because it slows things down. And because they have to get the planes back in the air so quickly they don't do a thorough cleaning of the inside (on the program someone had puked and they didn't even clean it up, the guy just threw some cologne on the floor!!). After flying with them once when Jack was a baby and then watching this program, I vowed never to fly them again. Unfortunately they are one of the only airlines that flies direct out of Krakow so we had no choice but to fly them to Mallorca. The staff was somewhat bearable in Krakow and it was pretty smooth checking in - we have a luggage scale so our bags were under the weight required, we each had one carry on, and Jack's stroller. I also brought along a booster seat (yes I am crazy paranoid mom who insists my kids are restrained in the car, Europeans are really lax about that) and the woman at the check-in desk told us to just fold it up in the stroller so it wouldn't fall out. The flight went smoothly, although I was still a little creeped out thinking about what dirty person sat in the seat before me, so I had the wipes out to try to wipe down all of the surfaces we were about to touch...On the flight back they were just awful. We had a 6:30 am flight so got to the airport at the insane time of 4:55 am, tired and cranky and quite honestly not in the mood to deal with any BS. When we checked in our bag was 1 kg too heavy - I wanted to open it up and take out maybe my pair of sneakers and a book and not pay the €20, but we were too tired to deal with it so we just decided to pay it. Then I mentioned that we had the booster seat, which I shouldn't have done because they said we had to pay another €20. I told them I would just fold it up into the stroller like we did on the way over but they were having none of that. I know they charge for everything and I can't say I was surprised by any of this, but they were just really F-ing rude to us and got 3 different people involved. I said I would just carry it on but of course it didn't fit in Jack's carry-on bag so we had to pay the €20. In order to check it in we had to walk to the opposite end of the airport which again we found ridiculous. As I said we weren't in the mood to deal with this so we may have muttered some not-so-child-friendly words while we walked away so I think that annoyed them. Once we got to the gate (after stopping to buy some bottles of water and a magazine), we were standing in line and one of the women from the check-in desk walked by us and muttered something in Spanish to her colleague, who then proceeded to come over and ask us to put Ava's carry-on suitcase in the little contraption they have to make sure it was the required size. Her suitcase happens to have a little pocket on the outside of it where she loves to stuff her stuffed animals and other treasures (junk) she has acquired during the trip. So when I tried to put her little dinky suitcase in the holder the pocket got caught up on it so I started jamming it in and the lady started yelling at me not to force it. I was thinking, if you make me pay €50 to check this bag that is clearly smaller than an everage carry-on I am going to come over and smack you upside the head with it. I took all of the junk out of the outside pocket and put it inside and turned around and the woman was gone. Then after waiting another 10 minutes a different person came over to us and checked Ava's bag once again  - just need to mention that they were  not doing this to any other passengers. Then 5 minutes later someone came over and told Mike he had to put the bag with the water and the magazines in it, into his briefcase. I thought Mike was going to punch the guy in the head but I think he knew that they would probably call the police on us and have us arrested so we just walked onto the plane biting our lips.

Once we sat down (we paid for seats so we were in rows 1 and 2, rows 1-5 are reserved for those who pay extra so they put little cards that say 'reserved' on the seats), someone sat down in the row behind us and the flight attendant came over and told him to move, those seats are reserved can't you read the sign?! Then she continued to roll her eyes to the other flight attendant whenever she encountered a passenger that annoyed her. This reminded me of a flight back to Dublin from Krakow, I was sitting in an exit row and the flight attendant asked (told) the man next to me to put his bag overhead and the guy didn't understand because he was Polish. So the flight attendant yelled at him, something about this being an English airline so I don't speak Polish so you'd better understand English and move your bag!!'. Then a little later in the flight when I got up to use the toilet he was standing in the back where they make the coffee, and he reached up under his shirt to put his deodorant on. Gross! Then during our flight while we are trying to sleep (did I mention it was 6:30 am??) they kept coming on the PA to try to sell smokeless cigarettes, calling cards, and other useless crap that clearly no one wanted to buy. Then when the plane lands they play this annoying racing music like they play at a racetrack, saying 'we arrived on time yet again!', patting themselves on the back...but when you get inside you have to stand around a wait 20 minutes for your bags. They really have the rudest airline staff I have ever encountered and the airline is not meant for any kind of civilized air travel.  I just hate, hate that I am going to have to fly them again!!

Okay, that's the end of my rant....